Stephanie Wiegner

Earth in the Balance

Kids have names? You’ve killed me! Oh, you’ve killed me! They’re like sex, except I’m having them! Kif, I have mated with a woman. Inform the men. Fry, we have a crate to deliver. That’s a popular name today. Little “e”, big “B”?

Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun? You can see how I lived before I met you. I’ve got to find a way to escape the horrible ravages of youth. Suddenly, I’m going to the bathroom like clockwork, every three hours. And those jerks at Social Security stopped sending me checks. Now ‘I” have to pay ”them’!

For example, if you killed your grandfather, you’d cease to exist! You can see how I lived before I met you. Fatal. Just once I’d like to eat dinner with a celebrity who isn’t bound and gagged.

Hey! I’m a porno-dealing monster, what do I care what you think? Good man. Nixon’s pro-war and pro-family. Hey, tell me something. You’ve got all this money. How come you always dress like you’re doing your laundry?

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